Busy

I used to use a lot of language that limited myself. For me, it's exemplified in this exchange. 

Friend/Colleague/Family Member: "How are you, Nicole?" 

Nicole: "Busy."

Changing my response to this question is one of the first steps and most powerful ways that I've shifted my perspective on my time and capabilities. If you are constantly telling yourself and other people that you are so busy, there's a good chance that you'll miss out on exciting opportunities. Others will think you are too busy or you'll have your head in a sand of busyness and miss out on your own realizations. 

I hear so many people give the same response. I actually have a weirdly physical reaction to this. It's turned into a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I know why I changed the response, but I'm not sure I've really reflected on why I was giving it in the first place. 

The B word is like a shield for us. It helps us maintain the status quo. If someone understands we are busy they can't try and add something else or question what we are doing. Whether that is reality or not, it's definitely why I would say it. It keeps us in the certain. Allows us to stay still. 

Making sure others know we are busy gives us external validation of what we are doing and we seem to crave this.  I have a hard time saying no, partially because I worry about what someone else might think. If someone thinks I'm busy, somehow I also think they won't question my work ethic, productivity, etc. I'm striving to just be fine with this on my own. To be totally comfortable with making my own priorities and workload and trusting that others will not judge me when I confidently stick to it. (Side note: I've also had to catch myself from doing this with others. For me it usually means some of the self-judgement is still left)

I'm sure there's a lot else to why I used to default to this answer. However, the big thing is taking the step forward and leaving it behind. Here are some tips, including a few that relate directly to my fears as noted above to remove the B word from your life.