Feedback

I'm into book two on the altmba reading list. This next one is Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen. Surprise, it's amazing! 

While the first book I started was a fun workout for my philosophical brain this one is super concrete and already being applied in my professional and personal life. I won't give too much away as I think everyone should read it. Here's what I've really loved so far though.

The book focuses on the receiver of the feedback vs the giver.  Practically, the authors point out, exceptional teachers and mentors are rare so we need to get good at learning from everyone. We are the key variable in our own growth and learning. Stone and Heen outline and breakdown the triggers that stop us from receiving feedback. They encourage and provide the reader with the tools to step back and understand how to take that feedback apart in order to be able to understand what's happening with us and the giver of the feedback and then to take the relevant parts that feedback to better ourselves. 

The piece I've used the most is tagging all of the various parts of the feedback conversation and dealing with them separately. The example in the book is of a man who brings home red roses to his wife. His wife's response is I've told you so many times I don't like red roses. The husband then gets angry for being unappreciated. Two issues, the husband doesn't feel appreciated and the wife doesn't feel like she's listened to.

We often try and deal with all of this at the same time when really both issues should be dealt with as their own conversations. It's also important to acknowledge in this that we have to deal with the we of both of these situations. It's rarely the fault of one person, rather the relationship system that both individuals form together.