I can tell when things are getting a little out of control when I start noticing that I'm double booking myself. It kills me a little to have to cancel something with someone because I wasn't careful enough with checking both of my calendars.
The hardest part about doing this is I feel not just guilty, but ashamed. Shame that I'm not being the friend, wife, family member, etc. that they deserve. Not meeting an expectation (even if we've made them up) is something I hear so often in my own head and from others too. How to set healthy expectations should probably be something I put in my focus for a bit.
The good news is I notice the shame spiral (Brené Brown concept credit) starting far sooner than I used to, which means I can name it to tame it before it gets too crazy. Most of that is because I realize when I need to talk with someone I trust and let the shame out before it bubbles over. What might have lingered previously for sometimes years, I learn to let go within a week now.
Even opting out of blogging this weekend had a little pit in my stomach initially and I'm learning to work through that.
So basically I'm not perfect. Obviously I know that, but there's still just a little bit of me that keeps trying to strive for perfection rather than progress. It's gotten a little quieter. Maybe someday that voice will be so quiet I'll barely hear it. Until then I'll keep relying on my inner circle to use their wise voices to drown out my inner perfectionist.
Being a Force for Good 