Changing Seasons

This time of year marks a changing of seasons in many parts of my life.

It’s coming up on my birthday, which means embarking on a new year and for the last two years some kind of kindness project that has been brought to life. As we flip over into new ages, it provides us a milestone to reflect.

It marks the time of year when I met my husband and launched into a relationship that has taught me how to be honest with myself and a partner, even when it might hurt. I’ve learned how to stand up more as myself and to trust that this can even make a relationship stronger.

It means we’re nearing the anniversary of when my husband and his family lost his Mom. This brings both sadness and joy as everyone reflects in their own way on the legacy and love that she left them with and all that’s transpired in the space between when they were last together.

It will now also represent transitioning into motherhood. Sometime in the next 10 days or so I’ll shift into being a parent.

For the last three months, I haven’t been writing. Blogging for the few months before that had become a bit of a chore. I didn’t feel like I often had anything to say that felt was advancing a narrative. Rather just writing for the sake of writing. I’ve pushed through those times before only to find another patch of fruitful thought and expression, but that didn’t seem to be happening this time. So for the first time in over two years, except intentional stops during larger projects, I didn’t blog.

I’m still struggling a little to know where my writing/daily blogging is heading. I’m also trying not to force the direction. Heading into this season of reflection and transition, I’m instead holding the space to see where things evolve. Trying to stay present among all of these amazing moments of new memories and opportunities for reflecting on what has been.

I’m not 100% sure when I’ll be writing again. It could be next week or later this year. I’ve never really been in this much of a wrap-up mode before. Even when I’ve been wrapping up something, I’ve always been consciously starting the next thing. Whether that be a job, project or volunteer opportunity. I’ve known the next step. It isn’t that I’m not prepping to be a Mom, but unlike other transitions, there are a lot of unknowns that I’m not even sure how to prepare for.

So my new mantra is to surrender.

Surrender to this next phase of growth as an individual and a family, especially the things I can’t control.

Surrender to defining my success equally by my personal and professional progress.

Surrender to needing a village to support us, just like the one I had growing up.

Surrender to parenting as a human and showing my child, myself and others the imperfection in that.

Surrender to the joy and love that I know will be present each and every day.

p.s. I’ve shifted my blog over to WordPress from Typepad. Hopefully it will all be smooth, but please let me know if there are any glitches that you come across.