For the first two months of my daughter’s life I hated leaving the house. I worked up my nerve just to go for a short walk by myself. The house was safe. If she cried, there was no one to look at us. I hated feeling like people were watching me while I was trying to breastfeed, find somewhere to change a diaper or comfort her.
In those early months I looked for any excuse to stay home. Too cold. Bad night. Everything we needed was at home. Why leave?
Then slowly my will to want to get out of the house and interact got stronger. With much anxiety I started to branch out. At first to “safe” environments. A friend’s house or the library. Then slowly as I built my Mom muscles we ventured further. I realized I wanted to stop trying to seperate being a Mom from other activities. I wanted to show up at things I wanted to do with my daughter and not feel like I needed to apologize. I didn’t want to choose between wanting to be close with my daughter and other things I wanted to do.
So my daughter started attending meetings for my volunteer committments. She came to an NBA game. She came to lunch. We figured out how to take transit to places we needed to go. I started to figure out how to blend my new identity and with my old.
I’m not sure why we seperate. I definitely felt a pressure of where I ‘should’ bring my daughter. Sometimes it’s nice to have that space from our children, but in order to make equal opportunities for women we also need to examine how we make experiences accessible to show up as a parent. It’s a new filter for me. How can I make a space/meeting/event welcoming for a parent to bring their children? What am I doing (even unintentionally) that might make someone feel that a child would not be welcome in this situation? To not apologize for showing up as a Mom and to encourage others to do the same.
Being a Force for Good 