Five Years On

For the last two years on June 11th I publish a post dedicated to my Poppy. The last two years I wrote a poem of sorts (found here and here). This year is a more narrative look at the five year mark of this monumental moment in my life. 

5 years and thousands of moments stand between today and when I lost my Poppy.

Hundreds of moments when I know he would have laughed.

Hundreds of moments when I can imagine his hug, kiss and a proud smile.

And a few very special moments that my heart was so full for that I feel like he was a part of it too.  

There are no moments in the last five years when my heart didn’t turn to him. To imagine what he would have done or said.

Though I was an adult when I lost him, I can’t help but feel robbed of his wisdom in these last number of years. To have had the chance to ask him advice as I’ve moved through my life and understand how he lived so fully with love, joy and in service.

It’s funny as I’m not even sure if I would have the same questions. My Poppy’s passing is a turning point in my life. My life is divided into a time before that moment and what has come after.

With him leaving the world he passed his light onto us and the gifts and responsibilities that he had been stewarding were given to his children and grandchildren to move forward in their own way.

Though I miss him desperately, I’m also proud of what these last five years have been for all of us. Poppy was such a huge force and support in so many lives, especially his family. We’ve all figured out ways to thrive in our new reality without him while also staying true to the values and way of being in the world that he modeled for us. He will always be our guide and biggest cheerleader with the love he planted so deeply in our hearts.

June 11th is a bittersweet day. It’s sad because it commemorates the biggest heartbreak I’ve experienced and yet it is equally as joyful as we focus on sweet memories and all of the ways we’ve kept Poppy, especially his love and laughter, alive everyday since.

So here’s to my incredible Grandfather. May we raise a glass of cheap white wine surrounded by those we love and continue to live his legacy of looking for the possible in people and in life.